Parsha
Chol HaMoed
19 Nissan /April
19
By: Barbara
Barer
L’Dor Va Dor
By now it’s common knowledge that I’ve been studying what
life is like in advanced old age.
Like every other subject, like law, medicine, agriculture,
there is something to be found in the Torah relating to old age. Therefore it
struck me some time ago when we read about Abraham’s passing at the advanced
age of 175.
“Abraham breathed his last and died at a good age, old and
satisfied.” Well, what does it mean to be satisfied? The Talmud states that the
truly wealthy person is one who is satisfied with whatever one has (Ethics of
the Fathers, 4:1). How does one achieve satisfaction in advanced old age, and
how does Judaism contribute to this?
I know what being observant means to me in my personal life,
but I found it thought provoking to consider what it means in one’s old age. In
talking with older people of all denominations, I have found that Judaism is
very life sustaining, with a Jewish culture that focuses on home, family,
community, and a tradition which connects us to our past. The practice of
Judaism is very positive and sustaining throughout life, with its commitment to
ritual, prayer, and family, and I would like to focus on those three aspects.
In my work with the elderly I have seen the importance and
value of having a strong identity. In advanced old age there are inevitable
losses – such as loss of hearing, vision, mobility, work, income, friends, and
family - even, not uncommonly, the loss of a child. So how does one achieve
satisfaction in one’s late years?
Generally we found that when there’s no alarm clocks, no
black appointment book, no work schedule, people establish daily routines and
create rituals around the mundane tasks of daily living. For example, they
ritualize meal times, or plan their day around certain TV programs, or
according to the timing of various medications that they take. By establishing
a ritual they give meaning to otherwise seemingly meaningless days.
Judaism has long known about the importance of ritual, how
to use time, to make it useful and meaningful.
The Jewish calendar is very full, with days that are not ordinary, with
much to look forward to. Each week there is Shabbat, which we are never more
than 3 days away from, with its ritual centered on the home and family, the
weekly portion to study.
Throughout the year there are constant markers, such as
celebrating Passover, counting the Omer, Shavuous, the High Holidays, Sukkot,
to be shared with family and community, a sharing which sustains social
integration. Additionally, the communal prayer of the minyan provides a form of
sociability rather than prayer in isolation.
Which leads me to the importance of prayer in old age, not
only in the ritual use of time during the day, but from prayer one gains
strength and wisdom, which reduces a feeling of helplessness that can come with
the frailty of old age. With increased limitations there is the threat of
losing one’s independence and having to depend on others. A very important
aspect of self-esteem is to be able to reciprocate. It is important to feel
that you can still do things for others.
Even in the face of physical limitations, Judaism offers the
opportunity to still do Mitzvot. For example, to pray for others, to offer
blessings for a simcha, and to contribute to Tzedakah. Feeling that you can
still contribute and do for others gives one a source of strength and vitality.
For example, Jacob, on his death bed, at the age of 147,
told Joseph to bring his two sons, Menassah and Ephraim to him and “I will give
them a blessing.” Even with a last breath, Jacob had something to offer his
grandsons.
What I would most like to convey in my message, is that
being an observant Jew and perpetuating our rituals and traditions does not
suddenly occur in old age, once you’ve finished doing everything else. Rather,
it starts in early childhood, at home.
It is said that the greatest strength in preserving the
Jewish people throughout history is the integrity of the family. Personally it
has been my practice and belief that it is the Jewish household that preserves
tradition and maintains the Jewish identity. When Judaism is practiced at home
and starts in early childhood, it can never been taken away from you, it can
never be lost, like your hearing, mobility, friends etc. Rather, there is an
unbroken continuity over time…practices that are connected with you, and remain
familiar to you, from childhood to old age.
In Proverbs 3:18 “The Torah is an eitz chaim, a tree of
life.” I interpret this as the Torah providing us with sustenance for life, and
my conclusion is that you are doing yourself and your children a favor if you
are prepared, and you prepare them to live life in a way that is truly
sustaining and that sustains you right up to a very advanced old age.
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