Parashat Vayera

Parashat Vayera

Heshvan 18 ~ November 3, 2012

by Neska

I am sitting here in the hot sun...

laying here waiting to heal...

outside in this overwhelming heat...

feeling Hashem's presence

somehow surrounding me...

I can do nothing...it is so hot...

I am wanting to sleep...

It's too hot even for passers-by...

I'll just close my eyes for a minute...

for a minute...

for a mi....

Am I asleep?

Am I dreaming?

Are those visitors?

There! Under those trees!

Yes...three visitors...

Oh. Thank You El Shaddai!

This is what I needed!

To do something! i can't stand sitting around!

I am up and running toward them

begging them to stop and rest

and allowing me to feed them before they go on their way.

They come with me

and I am running to Sarah: go prepare matzahs

(I even tell her what kind of flour to use)

and I am running to Yishmael

(who like me is not feeling so well)

and Yishmael is now running as well

to get a calf to feed our visitors.

I watch him as he goes.

My son...my only son...Hashem has Graced me...us.

And when the visitors leave...

telling Sarah and I that we will have another son by next year...

my joy is overwhelming

Another son...Another son..

At the end of the Parsha, Hashem asks Avraham to take his only son, the one he loves, and bring him to the mountain. For me, the test of Avraham is - which son do I bring.

I love them both Hashem.

Both are my first sons.

Yes, Yishmael is a bit wild...but his heart is so good.

Yes, the brothers fight...but look at my ancestors...Kayin and Hevel

You tell me to listen to Sarah....and I do..i do

But does she truly truly understand how as the father of both sons I so love them both.

And also Hagar...how can I not?

You, Hashem, are asking me to choose between my sons...again. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I should. i don't know if I am hearing correctly. Choose between Yishmael and Yitzchak? Again?

And so....i will take both my sons...

I will take Yitzhak.

I will take Yishmael.

I will take Yitzhak to the top of the mountain.

I will take Yishmael to walk with us.

I will come down...

and somehow I know...

I will have both my sons.

And Avraham comes down

And Yitzchak comes down

And Avraham and Yishmael walk home together

And Yizhak goes on his separate way

This, for me, is Avraham's test. 

Does he lose a bit of Yitzhak? Does he lose a bit of Yishmael? I think so. But at the end of his life, both brothers are there to bury him. The brothers have made peace...not only with Avraham, but also with themselves. if only it could have lasted thru the generations.

Shabbat Shalom.