Thursday, December 27, 2012

Parashat Vayechi

Parashat Vayechi
Tevet 16, 5773 ~ December 29, 2012
By Robin Gluck
Much of this week's Parsha, Vayechi, the concluding chapter in Bereishit, is devoted to the final years of Jacob’s life. He asks Joseph to promise to bury him in the holy land.  He gives blessings to Joseph's children, Ephraim and Menasha and to his own twelve sons.  Following Jacob’s death, Joseph leads an elaborate funeral procession back to Canaan to bury his father.  In the closing pasukim, Joseph dies at the age of 110. 

Though this Parsha marks the end of one of our forefather’s lives, I felt a deeper loss from Joseph’s passing than from his father’s.

Joseph is a complicated figure.  A brief household survey revealed that two out of three Glucks consider Joseph arrogant (one Gluck declined to comment). He is the apple of his father’s eye, yet he makes mistakes.  He enrages his brothers by telling them about his dream.  Instead of leading his people out of Egypt, he delivers them into slavery. 

To me, Joseph’s endearing quality is his radical trust in Hashem. Regardless of the hardship or challenge, Joseph believes the events in his life are part of G-d’s plan for him.  When Joseph reveals to his brothers that he is alive, he tells them that “It was not you who sent me here, but God.” (45:8) After Jacob dies, the brothers fear Joseph will “repay” them for the evil they did to them.  (50:15) Again, Joseph assures them that they were not responsible for bringing him to Egypt. “Although you intended me for harm, God intended it for good: in order to accomplish—it is as clear as day—that a vast people be kept alive.” (50:20) 

Jacob recognizes Joseph’s qualities and confers upon him a special blessing.  However, even though he has this special blessing, the text suggests that Joseph is equal to his brothers. "All these are the tribes of Israel-twelve-and this is what their father spoke to them and he blessed them; he blessed them each according to his appropriate blessing." (49:28) Each son had a destiny to fulfill and all of them together became the people of Israel.  Since Joseph is among this group, he cannot be singled out.  Even though Joseph is special, he cannot carry the people by himself.  All the brothers are the future of the people, not an individual.

Joseph occupies an interesting place of belonging to a group and standing out from them at the same time.  He walks the line between being different and being the same.  As Jews, we also walk a line between being different and being the same.  We can enjoy the benefits of sameness, but we have chosen to be different.  Walking this line requires our faith in Hashem.  We must remind ourselves, as Joseph did, that we are put in this role for a reason, and that while being different, we will not be put in harm’s way.

Thanks to Rabbis Davies and Dardik, Naomi Dardik and Danielle Elkins for their contributions.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Parashat Vayigash


Parashat Vayigash 
Tevet 9, 5773 ~ December 22, 2012
By Bill Berdux

Vayigash to V'Zot HaBerachah
From exit gate to entry portal

To appreciate Vayigash, juxtapose it with V’Zot HaBerachah.  In the former, the Hebrews depart from their promised land (Bereishit 46:5-7) and in the latter, B’nai Yisroel makes final preparation to return as a nation, forged in the furnaces of Mitzrayim and annealed in sequestration, in the wilderness (Maharil of Sanz in Birkas HaShir; Devarim 34:4-9).

Of the many questions that Vayigash raises, one concerns the inner nature of Man and whether descendants share character traits with each other and their ancestors.

At the beginning of creation we get a glimpse of Man’s nature when Chavah eats from the Tree of Knowledge (Bereishit 3:6) and induces Adam to do the same, soon to be followed by the slaying of Abel by his brother Cain (Bereishit 4:8).  It should not be surprising when Joseph’s brothers plot to kill him (Bereishit 37:20).  So we ask; is this man’s spiritual nature or, is it the result of the influence of His physical DNA?  Many people never kill, others never commit adultery and some are careful not to offend in words or deeds.  There could be a propensity for negative behavior that surfaces in some and not in others, just as some children inherit the red hair and blue eyes of one parent while siblings inherit the black hair and brown eyes of the other parent.  During their inhabitance of Eretz Yisroel, post-exodus, the Jews married within their tribes, ostensibly to keep their respective lands within their families.  This would also help to ensure that outside influences, i.e. DNA, wouldn’t affect the spiritual propensities of each tribe.

In Vayigash, Hashem gave Joseph the wisdom to position the Hebrews separate and apart from the Egyptians.  Sforno explains that, “If you remain here your children will intermarry and become absorbed by the Caananites but in Egypt they will not be able to do so because the Egyptians may not eat bread with the Hebrews (Bereishit 43:32); therefore they will be a separate, distinct people…”  Thus, Joseph brought them to Goshen (Bereishit 46:28), in the Eastern Nile delta.  The Hebrews did possess flocks and herds so; it was an easy matter to convince Pharaoh that they were shepherds, which were repugnant in the eyes of the Egyptians (Genesis 46:31-34).  This helped to establish a respectable distance between the two societies.
B'nai Yisroel’s journey and the evolution of the nation were foretold before entry into Mizraim, “… I am the Omnipotent G-d of your father.  Do not be afraid to go to Egypt, for it is there that I will make you into a great nation.”  (Bereishit 46:3)  Something was going to be performed.  The Hebrews are going to be “formed,” so to speak.

If we first look to Bereishit 2:7, we learn that “…G-d formed (וַיִּיצֶר - vayyitzer) man….”  Vayyitzer is spelled with two Yods where only one would be sufficient.  One explanation for the use of the double yod is discussed in Bereshit Rabbah 14, (4) where Chazal explains that they stand for the word "yetzer," which means impulse, and this existence of two Yods illustrates that Man was “formed” with two impulses, the yetzer tov (good impulse) and an the yetzer ra (evil impulse).  From this we can see that Man is born with innate characteristics.

Before descending into Mizraim, all of the descendants of Jacob that went with him are listed, with no differentiations being made between the families.  The statement is simply “…And these are the names of the children of Israel who were coming to Egypt: Jacob and his sons…” (Genesis 46:8).  No characteristics were attributed to the descendants.

Unlike Bereishit 46, in parsha V'Zot HaBerachah, the 12 tribes are listed but, with distinguishing characteristics for each tribe (Devarim 33:1-26).  Through the succeeding generations, the twelve tribes would bear the names of the sons of Yaakov and each would exhibit the characteristics revealed in Moshe’s blessing.  Each tribe would have its unique strengths and weaknesses and role to play within the Jewish nation.  Some would be priests, others would be seafarers and traders while some would be farmers or herdsmen and some would provide warriors for the defense of the nation.  For example; “And of Dan he said: ‘Dan is a young lion, streaming from Bashan.”  This tribe would require the quality of bravery while it inhabited a region located on a hostile boarder.  Each tribe has its own quality which would be apparent over the generations.

Summarily, Yaakov’s extended family left Eretz Yisroel in Vayigash, with no disclosure of distinguishing characteristics and returned in V'Zot HaBerachah where ingrained predispositions, talents and skills were delineated for each tribe.  This is analogous to young recruits that enter military service as an untrained, undisciplined mob and are first broken down then, “re-formed” into a well-trained, highly skilled, cohesive unit.  The Jews were now a nation.

Thus, a good case can be made for the concept that each person is born with unique characteristics and abilities that help to shape the life that they will lead.  Some will be proficient at generating wealth, others at providing artistic talent, some will use interpersonal communication skills to inspire and lead others.  Each of us has unique characteristics and talents.  If we look closely at the Beth Jacob community we see Torah exemplified in helping hands being offered, inspiration being provided and respect being shown for others.  Different individuals exhibit different traits.

There is the family that invited me into their home for lunch just a few weeks after my wife and I had moved to Oakland.  Later, that week I needed a kippah and found one in a box next to the shul’s back door.  It had a tag sewn into it, commemorating their son’s recent bar mitzvah.  I’ve been wearing that kippah every day since and it’s the first thing I see each morning as I get ready to leave the house.  It’s a daily reminder of the kindness and hospitality that I found at Beth Jacob, reminiscent of Abraham’s hospitality.
There is the gregarious, jovial member that knows all of the children’s and parents’ names.  He could spend his time with any one of dozens of people during kiddush meals.  He chooses to spend time with me discussing Torah, answering questions, challenging interpretations and making it possible to bring the Shechinah to our table.  He took an interest in me and helped with my introduction to a new community, reminiscent of Asher’s joyous nature and concern for harmony.
There is the gabbai who ensures that everyone is treated fairly and included in the services according to their needs.  He puts extra effort into ensuring that there are daily minyans for those saying kaddish and he juggles honors to make sure that all members are able to meet their obligations, reminiscent of Isaac who, even though he may have favored the first-born, selected the son that would remain true to Torah.
There is the Rabbi that that leads classes through detailed analysis of Torah text, disclosing minutiae that are generally overlooked and parsing alternative meanings and interpretations.  An hour spent on only a few sentences passes as though it’s only a few minutes and leaves one with even more questions than when the class started.  This would be reminiscent of Rambam who toiled endlessly to ensure that Jews everywhere could understand and apply Torah in their lives.
There is the summer study group with members who invest time and effort into research and preparation of presentations for the group.  Each one is fully capable of researching and learning the lessons alone, with little or no assistance, but they choose to invest their valuable time and efforts in helping others and in listening to what others have to say about Jewish ethics, halacha and philosophy.  A mutual respect and appreciation is shared by everyone in the group and everyone is encouraged to fully participate.  This is typical of so many at Beth Jacob, who live Torah as they study it, reminiscent of the Rishonim who dutifully dedicated their efforts for the sake of their communities.

This community is a savory stew.  The spices, sauces, vegetables and meats blend together to result in a unique flavor; forming an essence unlike any other.  Some members are more amenable like the seasonings that dissolve into the whole while some provide solid substance, firm in their positions.  The pepper stimulates the taste buds to open them to the subtle nuances while the sugar takes the edge off of the sharpness of the vinegar.  Remove one ingredient or increase the amount of another and the stew loses its flavorful balance, its harmony.  All ingredients (individuals) are important contributors, in their own measure.

Through Vayigash we learn that people can overcome grave mistakes and that goodness can be found even in those who have gravely harmed others.  Levi, after plotting to kill Joseph, offers himself up, for the sake of Benjamin.  Yosef named his firstborn Manasheh, from Nashani which means "caused me to forget.”  Levi showed us that one’s inner goodness can prevail and Yosef taught us that forgiving others is an achievable virtue.  Perhaps, we have it in our DNA to follow in these footsteps; on the other hand, perhaps it’s due to our study of Torah and obedience to our laws.  Therein lays the dilemma, is it inheritance or conditioning?  Either way, we have to do it together.  As the 12 tribes did in their day, it’s within us to succeed in our day.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Parashat Vayishlach


Parashat Vayishlach 
Kislev 17, 5773 ~ December 1, 2012
by  Joanne Jagoda

The parasha this week is filled with many themes. It opens with Jacob “sending” angels, to his estranged brother Esau, hence the word Vayishlach. This was not a simple reunion of two brothers, as Jacob was very apprehensive as to how this might play out. He took preparations in three areas:  prayer, gifts and battle.  When Jacob heard from the angels he had sent that Esau was going to approach him, he divided his clan into two camps including his herds and cattle. Then he prayed to God to be rescued from the hand of his brother. He instructs his servants how to approach Esau and divided his herds into droves. Jacob had sent along his wives, handmaids and sons and was alone.

This concept is interesting…to be alone. Here was Jacob, no entourage, no family, no possessions, just by himself.  This was a perfect time for self-reckoning where he had to strengthen his own resolve before confronting his brother. Being alone meant Jacob has to struggle with his identity. Since taking the birthright from his brother Esau, who had he become? Had he begun to look like Esau? Had the fulfillment of the stolen blessings actually turned him into Esau? Rabbi Shlomo Riskin concurs, “After all, hadn’t he, the wholehearted dweller in the tents of Torah study, garbed himself in the hunting attire of Esau and utilized the crafty hands of Esau in order to wrest the blessings from his father and outwit his uncle Laban?”

In the text, Vayishlach (Genesis 32:4-36:43) we read:

Jacob remained alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. He [the man] saw that he could not defeat him, and he touched the joint of his thigh. Jacob's hip became dislocated from wrestling with him. And he [the man] said, 'Let me go for dawn is breaking.' He [Jacob] said, 'I will not release you unless you bless me.' He [the man] said 'What is your name?' He said, 'Jacob.' He said, 'Your name shall no longer be called Jacob rather Israel, for you have struggled with God and with man and you have been victorious.' Jacob asked, and said, 'Please tell me your name.' He said, 'Why are you asking for my name?' And he blessed him there. And Jacob called the place Peniel [God's face], 'for I have seen God face to face and my soul was saved.' The sun rose as he left Peniel. And he was limping because of his thigh. Therefore the children of Israel do not eat the hip tendon until this very day, for Jacob's thigh joint was afflicted at the hip tendon.

There are many questions raised by this passage and many different interpretations from our commentators. If Jacob is truly alone, who is wrestling with him? Rabbi Shlomo Riskin explores this question,” Who was this mysterious, anonymous assailant who wrestled with Jacob all that long night before his confrontation with brother Esau? Was it a heavenly angel, the spiritual power of Esau, as is suggested by the midrash (based on Daniel 10), or was it G-d Himself, as the verse immediately following the wrestling match would infer, “And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, ‘because I have seen G-d face to face and my soul has been saved’” (Genesis 32:31)?

I also find it fascinating that Jacob wrestled. The word wrestled implies a struggle, a difficult physical confrontation. Rav Michael Hattin of Yeshiva Har Zion regards the commentaries of Rashi and Radak, that “the Radak (R. David Kimchi, 13th century, Provence) who…”both understand that the struggle with the mysterious figure actually portends the confrontation about to ensue with Esau.   This man who appears out of the darkness of night and vanishes at sunrise, is actually an angelic figure identified with "Saro shel Esav" or "Esav's guardian angel. From the confrontation, Yaacov will gain the knowledge that he will prevail against his brother Esav.  In the end, he will acquire title to the birthright and the blessings by legal right, and will be regarded as a deceiver no more.  "Your name shall no longer be called Yaacov, but rather Yisrael, for you have striven with 'elohim' and with men and have prevailed.

According to Rashi, the “man” who wrestled with Jacob was the guardian angel of Esau sent in the form of a man. I was curious about this. Why would Esau have sent an angel to wrestle with Jacob? Some commentators see that the angel is the epitome of evil, Satan himself and the struggle represents a symbolic eternal struggle between the forces of good and evil, man’s quest for spiritual growth and the determined efforts of Satan to undermine him. Rabbi Abraham Twerski in Living Each Week writes, “The angel that wrestled with the Patriarch Jacob is the personification of the forces of evil that seek to overpower the forces of righteousness. In asking what the angel’s name was, Jacob sought to identify this power, so that by recognizing it we might be aware of it and more capable of guarding against I and defending ourselves.”
 It has also been suggested that the angel represents the materiality of Edom and the night symbolized the “Galut”, exile of the Jewish people. The Struggle was conducted on two planes, both with the divine and with man. While the Jewish people have had to wrestle with many civilizations trying to wipe them out, we have prevailed.

Why would Yakov say to the angel, “I won’t let you go until you bless me” and why would the angel say “what is your name?” It is so curious that the angel wouldn’t know his name. It was not enough that Yakov was wounded by the angel, but he also required a blessing from him. In changing his name, this angel declared that he was no longer “holding on to the heel of” his birth name, but now was Yisrael, for you have striven with the Divine and man and you have overcome.

Rabbi Riskin explains, “Clearly the anonymous “man” who wrestled with Jacob was the divinely-given and heaven-originated “power of Esau,” thereby Biblically confirming the initial prophecy which established the struggle between the twin fetuses in Rebecca’s womb as mirroring the universal-eternal battle between the two antithetical forces of spiritual Judea and militant Rome: “There are two nations in your womb, and two peoples who will separate from your innards; nation will struggle against nation, and the elder will serve the younger” (Genesis 25:23). The wrestling match mirrors the cosmic tension between these forces. Once the spirit of Jacob emerges triumphant - for Israel is guaranteed to ultimately prevail - the two brothers can play out their temporal meeting in relative ease and equanimity.

This too was Jacob’s fear as he prepared for his encounter with Esau. After all, hadn’t he, the wholehearted dweller in the tents of Torah study, garbed himself in the hunting attire of Esau and utilized the crafty hands of Esau in order to wrest the blessings from his father and outwit his uncle Laban? Was it possible that Jacob would win the external battle against his rival Esau in his father’s home, only to find his very self overtaken by Esau in personality and activity until the voice of Jacob would be completely silenced and all that would be left of the younger son of Isaac and Rebecca would be another incarnation of Esau?!

The anonymous wrestling match, where “Jacob remains alone”, is therefore also an external struggle within Jacob to retain his own soul, to reclaim his pristine persona. And whenever one struggles to reclaim his true self, he is struggling with and for G-d, that image of the Divine which informs each of us and gives us our truest essence. Jacob had embraced Esau, or Esau-ism, for too long a time; and two individuals locked together may be embracing, may be wrestling, and may be struggling to become free of an interlocking relationship which could well turn into a kiss of death.

Jacob’s success in returning home to his original self is also his success in re-discovering his G-d and the G-d of his fathers. During that fateful and faithful night, Jacob met the power of Esau as well as the face of G-d - the forces of Rome as well as his own Divine Image. And only after successfully defeating both the external and internal Esau, could he establish an altar which he called, “G-d, Lord of Yisrael,” the G-d who emerged triumphant.

Don’t we all need moments of reflection when all the noise around us is shut off?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Parashat Toldot



Parashat Toldot
Kislev 5, 5773 ~ November 17, 2012
by Sara Liss-Katz

After studying this week’s parsha, Toldot, I am reminded of the famous scene in the play, The Lion in the Winter, when Henry II walks out on his queen, Eleanor of Aquitaine, for seemingly the last time.  He is on the way to Rome to ask for an annulment to their long-standing marriage, resulting from yet another argument concerning their three sons.  The queen looks to the audience and sighs, “Every family has its ups and downs.”   Toldot describes the struggles of twin brothers Isaac and Esau beginning in-utero and afterwards. The younger brother, Jacob, with his mother’s assistance, obtains the blessing of the first-born that was meant for Esau and then is forced to flee his brother’s wrath, never to see his parents again.  On one level this parsha functions much like a soap opera - family deceit, deception, parental favorites and sibling rivalries.

What are we to make of this story? Jacob, our third patriarch and the father of the people Israel – Was this the same Jacob who also superficially appeared to use cunning and deceit to obtain his cherished birthright?  This parsha shares with us that Jacob is the kinder, gentler and more thoughtful son of the two brothers. Esau was more rough and did not possess the attributes required to be a leader of future generations. Even so, the question remains – why did Jacob need to fool his father into receiving his blessing?  This is an ongoing question – I offer the following observations: 


  1. Things are not always what they seem – what appears to be the natural order of things may in fact change over time.  Esau was the first born but as he grew it became increasingly clear that he could not live up to his leadership role.  We learn that Esau was a hunter implying a desire for physical violence and killing. Esau was a man who did not appear to be willing or able to make sacrifices required as a leader.  His immediate needs came first. Moreover, when it came to needing to settle a dispute, he might choose violence, rather than a more reasoned approach.  Esau sold his birthright because the immediacy of his physical hunger was more important to him than his responsibilities and leadership role of the first born.  Whether he knew it or not, the selling of his birthright was the ultimate insult to his parents and his legacy.  
    Jacob came to Isaac disguised as Esau; Isaac “mistakenly” blessed Jacob. It was never up to Isaac to discern who was who. Whether or not Esau had told his father or not, we know that he had already sold his birthright to his younger brother.  Then, we might say that the mistake was not really a mistake.  Furthermore, when Isaac sent Jacob off to his brother-in-law, Laban, he blessed Jacob once again, this time explicitly – as the one who is heir to the legacy of Abraham  saying “May HaShem bless you, make you fertile and numerous, so that you become an assembly of peoples. May He grant the blessing of Abraham to you and your offspring, that you may possess the land where you are sojourning, which God assigned to Abraham."

     
  2. Sometimes we are forced to accept unpleasant consequences to actions that may appear to us, at the time to be logical and reasonable.  It is doubtful that Esau knew that by his actions, he had inadvertently set into motion the road he would follow.  Jacob did not trick Esau, he clearly stated, "First sell me your birthright." To which Esau replied “I am at the point of death, so of what use is my birthright to me?"  The parsha continues “But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob.”

    Esau thought that selling his birthright was just some one-time event; he gave little thought as to how it would affect his future. It could also be said that Esau thought only on a surface level, and was unable to understand the intent, depth and meaning of his birthright.  Each of us have, at times made decisions that may have seemed uncomplicated and straightforward only to later realize that the consequences of our actions were more far-reaching than we could have ever thought. 
  3. Nothing is black and white – There are numerous discussions about Jacob, the “good” son and Esau, the “evil” son.  Jacob received Isaac’s blessing, true, but so did Esau albeit a very different one.  The sages admired Esau’s devotion towards Isaac.  Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: "No man ever honored his father as I honored mine, but I found that Esau honored his father more than I honored mine."  Esau was a hunter and always brought food back for his father.  When Esau learned that the two Hittite wives he had chosen did not please his parents he tried to make amends by marrying the daughter of Ismael, his uncle. We see that he did this even after he did not receive the birthright suggesting that his love of Isaac was possibly greater than his single desire to receive the birthright.  We learn in subsequent parshas that eventually Esau and Jacob ultimately were able to come together and resolve their differences. 


Toldot tells the story of a family in conflict, a father and mother who each had different ideas of what was best for their twin sons. Esau was the best son he could be, trying to please his father as best he could but ultimately lacking the characteristics that would make him a good leader.  His concerns were of the “here and now” and not for what would provide guidance and benefit for future generations.  Jacob, kind, thoughtful and strategic, was the better choice to lead.  As HaShem told Rebecca before she gave birth – the future of the Jewish people would rest with her younger son and so here we learn that this was the case.    

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Parashat Chayei Sarah


Parashat Chayei Sarah
Heshvan 25 ~ November 10, 2012
by Diane Whitten-Vile

In this week’s parsha we read that at the age of 127, Sarah dies. 
It seems this parsha serves as a bridge between the story of Avraham and Sarah and the story of the next generation.  After Sarah dies, Avraham buys the cave of Machpelah to bury her.  Avraham then sends his servant to find a wife for his son Yitzhak; the servant finds Rivkah, and we meet her family, including her brother Lavan, who will figure prominently later on.  At the end of the parsha, Avraham dies, and is buried by his two sons, Yitzhak and Yishmael.  In a book long out of print, “The Voice Still Speaks” Rabbi Morris Adler points out a contradiction when Avraham calls himself a “stranger and a resident among you” (Ger v’Toshav).  A stranger or alien is someone without attachments or commitments.  A resident is more like a citizen or a permanent dweller in the community-someone who has settled somewhere, made a dwelling, chosen a home.  How can Avraham be both a temporary passer through and a resident? Rabbi Adler suggests that this is not so much about one’s citizenship status, but a description of a religious attitude towards life itself.  Life in this world is temporary and unpredictable.  Like travelers, maybe we should burden ourselves only with the necessities: love, good deeds, reverence, true connections with family and friends.  Yet in another sense, this world is what we have; we are residents here, and must be committed to the improvement and betterment of our communities, and therefore the world now.  We can’t say “oh I’m just passing through, it’s not my problem”
Some Rabbis extend the metaphor to include our attitude towards love, teaching that the balance is to regard our relations with those we love as temporary, yet permanent at the same time.   Thus, we must love people as best we can every moment, for we never know what accidents or fate or twists of life may remove us from our cherished ones.  But we can also be like “residents”, fully present, in our relationships, and not flit from love to love in fickle and unreliable ways. 
Though Sarah was 127 when she died, Avraham eulogized and cried for her.  Sarah was special for him every day.  When you get used to something it becomes easily taken for granted. 
If we never take anything for granted (tough task) we’ll always see that life has so much more to offer us. 
“The years of Sarah’s lifetime: all were equal for the good” (Rashi 23:1) She was 100, she was 20, she was 7.  Some people pass through life leaving the previous stage behind.  She was always as innocent as a 7 year old, with the strength, determination and idealism of a 20 year old, and always possessed the wisdom of a 100 year old.  Throughout her life she possessed all these qualities.  This is the greatness of Sarah. 
So my takeaway from this parsha is the love story of these two ancestors.  Don’t take a minute for granted when it comes to life and the one’s you love, and maintain your innocence, idealism and wisdom when you can.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Parashat Vayera



Parashat Vayera
Heshvan 18 ~ November 3, 2012
by Neska

I am sitting here in the hot sun...
laying here waiting to heal...
outside in this overwhelming heat...
feeling Hashem's presence
somehow surrounding me...
I can do nothing...it is so hot...
I am wanting to sleep...
It's too hot even for passers-by...
I'll just close my eyes for a minute...
for a minute...
for a mi....

Am I asleep?
Am I dreaming?
Are those visitors?
There! Under those trees!
Yes...three visitors...
Oh. Thank You El Shaddai!
This is what I needed!
To do something! i can't stand sitting around!
I am up and running toward them
begging them to stop and rest
and allowing me to feed them before they go on their way.
They come with me
and I am running to Sarah: go prepare matzahs
(I even tell her what kind of flour to use)
and I am running to Yishmael
(who like me is not feeling so well)
and Yishmael is now running as well
to get a calf to feed our visitors.
I watch him as he goes.
My son...my only son...Hashem has Graced me...us.

And when the visitors leave...
telling Sarah and I that we will have another son by next year...
my joy is overwhelming
Another son...Another son..

At the end of the Parsha, Hashem asks Avraham to take his only son, the one he loves, and bring him to the mountain. For me, the test of Avraham is - which son do I bring.

I love them both Hashem.
Both are my first sons.
Yes, Yishmael is a bit wild...but his heart is so good.
Yes, the brothers fight...but look at my ancestors...Kayin and Hevel
You tell me to listen to Sarah....and I do..i do
But does she truly truly understand how as the father of both sons I so love them both.
And also Hagar...how can I not?
You, Hashem, are asking me to choose between my sons...again. I don't know if I can. I don't know if I should. i don't know if I am hearing correctly. Choose between Yishmael and Yitzchak? Again?
And so....i will take both my sons...
I will take Yitzhak.
I will take Yishmael.
I will take Yitzhak to the top of the mountain.
I will take Yishmael to walk with us.
I will come down...
and somehow I know...
I will have both my sons.

And Avraham comes down
And Yitzchak comes down
And Avraham and Yishmael walk home together
And Yizhak goes on his separate way
This, for me, is Avraham's test. 

Does he lose a bit of Yitzhak? Does he lose a bit of Yishmael? I think so. But at the end of his life, both brothers are there to bury him. The brothers have made peace...not only with Avraham, but also with themselves. if only it could have lasted thru the generations.

Shabbat Shalom.