Parashat Toldot

Parashat Toldot

Kislev 5, 5773 ~ November 17, 2012

by Sara Liss-Katz

After studying this week’s parsha, Toldot, I am reminded of the famous scene in the play, The Lion in the Winter, when Henry II walks out on his queen, Eleanor of Aquitaine, for seemingly the last time.  He is on the way to Rome to ask for an annulment to their long-standing marriage, resulting from yet another argument concerning their three sons.  The queen looks to the audience and sighs, “Every family has its ups and downs.”   Toldot describes the struggles of twin brothers Isaac and Esau beginning in-utero and afterwards. The younger brother, Jacob, with his mother’s assistance, obtains the blessing of the first-born that was meant for Esau and then is forced to flee his brother’s wrath, never to see his parents again.  On one level this parsha functions much like a soap opera - family deceit, deception, parental favorites and sibling rivalries.

What are we to make of this story? Jacob, our third patriarch and the father of the people Israel – Was this the same Jacob who also superficially appeared to use cunning and deceit to obtain his cherished birthright?  This parsha shares with us that Jacob is the kinder, gentler and more thoughtful son of the two brothers. Esau was more rough and did not possess the attributes required to be a leader of future generations. Even so, the question remains – why did Jacob need to fool his father into receiving his blessing?  This is an ongoing question – I offer the following observations: 

1. Things are not always what they seem – what appears to be the natural order of things may in fact change over time.  Esau was the first born but as he grew it became increasingly clear that he could not live up to his leadership role.  We learn that Esau was a hunter implying a desire for physical violence and killing. Esau was a man who did not appear to be willing or able to make sacrifices required as a leader.  His immediate needs came first. Moreover, when it came to needing to settle a dispute, he might choose violence, rather than a more reasoned approach.  Esau sold his birthright because the immediacy of his physical hunger was more important to him than his responsibilities and leadership role of the first born.  Whether he knew it or not, the selling of his birthright was the ultimate insult to his parents and his legacy.  
   Jacob came to Isaac disguised as Esau; Isaac “mistakenly” blessed Jacob. It was never up to Isaac to discern who was who. Whether or not Esau had told his father or not, we know that he had already sold his birthright to his younger brother.  Then, we might say that the mistake was not really a mistake.  Furthermore, when Isaac sent Jacob off to his brother-in-law, Laban, he blessed Jacob once again, this time explicitly – as the one who is heir to the legacy of Abraham  saying “May HaShem bless you, make you fertile and numerous, so that you become an assembly of peoples. May He grant the blessing of Abraham to you and your offspring, that you may possess the land where you are sojourning, which God assigned to Abraham."
    
2. Sometimes we are forced to accept unpleasant consequences to actions that may appear to us, at the time to be logical and reasonable.  It is doubtful that Esau knew that by his actions, he had inadvertently set into motion the road he would follow.  Jacob did not trick Esau, he clearly stated, "First sell me your birthright." To which Esau replied “I am at the point of death, so of what use is my birthright to me?"  The parsha continues “But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob.”
   
   Esau thought that selling his birthright was just some one-time event; he gave little thought as to how it would affect his future. It could also be said that Esau thought only on a surface level, and was unable to understand the intent, depth and meaning of his birthright.  Each of us have, at times made decisions that may have seemed uncomplicated and straightforward only to later realize that the consequences of our actions were more far-reaching than we could have ever thought. 
   
3. Nothing is black and white – There are numerous discussions about Jacob, the “good” son and Esau, the “evil” son.  Jacob received Isaac’s blessing, true, but so did Esau albeit a very different one.  The sages admired Esau’s devotion towards Isaac.  Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: "No man ever honored his father as I honored mine, but I found that Esau honored his father more than I honored mine."  Esau was a hunter and always brought food back for his father.  When Esau learned that the two Hittite wives he had chosen did not please his parents he tried to make amends by marrying the daughter of Ismael, his uncle. We see that he did this even after he did not receive the birthright suggesting that his love of Isaac was possibly greater than his single desire to receive the birthright.  We learn in subsequent parshas that eventually Esau and Jacob ultimately were able to come together and resolve their differences. 

Toldot tells the story of a family in conflict, a father and mother who each had different ideas of what was best for their twin sons. Esau was the best son he could be, trying to please his father as best he could but ultimately lacking the characteristics that would make him a good leader.  His concerns were of the “here and now” and not for what would provide guidance and benefit for future generations.  Jacob, kind, thoughtful and strategic, was the better choice to lead.  As HaShem told Rebecca before she gave birth – the future of the Jewish people would rest with her younger son and so here we learn that this was the case.